53 Funny Retirement Quotes

These are the funniest retirement quotes you’ve ever heard.

Looking for funny retirement quotes that will make your boss, colleagues, parents, or friends laugh out loud? Here’s a compilation that will surely tickle their funny bones and make them feel good about the next chapter in their lives!

Funny Retirement Quotes for your Boss

A word of warning. There’s a retired person in the premises with not a lot to do and plenty of stories to tell!


I wish I can also retire right now so that I don’t need to call anyone boss. Also, congratulations, Boss! Happy retirement.


Retirement is when you can sit back and dole out advice to people, even if you never heeded it in your own life! Congratulations.


Soon you will be happier, more content, relaxed, happy, and carefree. That’s because you will soon be retired!


I’d like to congratulate you on your retirement and wish you the best on the next chapter of your life. Now you will have more time to marathon all the shows that you were completely clueless about.


After climbing so many mountains in your career, you can now finally enjoy the view!You will be missed around here. Especially your unreasonable demands and your booming voice that makes everyone nervous. Kidding, Boss!


No more morning alarms. No more rush hour and morning commutes. Most of all, no more stress from people at the office! Congratulations and happy retirement.


Don’t think of it as the end of your career. Think of it as the beginning of a new adventure! I have a few ideas that I want to run by you if you have the time. Happy retirement!


You are leaving the four corners of this office, but the trauma that you will leave behind in all of us will remain. Just kidding. Enjoy life as a retiree!


Everybody here will miss doing all your work for you. Have a happy retirement!


You will always be my boss who’s young at heart and older in other places. Congratulations on this milestone, and have a happy retirement.


I’m not sure if you know this, but life doesn’t begin at forty. Life begins at retirement! Enjoy your retirement, Boss!


Now that you will have more time in your hands, I hope you give yourself the rest and relaxation that you deserve. It’s time to quit the habit of being a workaholic. Happy retirement!

Funny Retirement Quotes for your Parents

Best wishes for your retirement, Dad! Now you can finally enjoy some peace and quiet. Take pleasure in the better things that await you. Or maybe not, because we will be hanging out more often at home.


Now I can finally say, “Let the relaxation, spa weekends, and exotic vacations begin!” Congratulations on your retirement!


I know that it’s not easy to accept that you’re old enough to retire, but the important thing is that you don’t look it!


Your retirement marks the end of working for someone else and the start of living for yourself. I hope that doesn’t mean flying off to some random destination without telling us first. Happy retirement!


You can retire from your job, but you cannot retire from being awesome! Congratulations on your retirement.


You know you’re retired when you are free of tension in your life and looking forward to receiving your monthly pension. Happy retirement!


I know you’re feeling a little sad because your career is over. Just remember that you have spent the last 30 years of your life with the same bunch of people. Feel better already? Congratulations on your retirement!


You are only retiring from work and not from life. I look forward to annoying you every day now.


Enjoy your retirement, but not so much that you blow off all your retirement fund in one sitting.


You know that you’re ready to retire when getting lucky for you means finding your car in the parking lot without calling for help. Enjoy your retirement!


For years, you’ve worked and slaved in the office. Now it’s time to relax and enjoy your days at home, cleaning the house, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, and cooking dinners. Happy retirement!


No more deadlines, quotas, meetings, and emails. No more Monday blues, and no more overtime. Now every day will feel like a holiday. Congratulations on your retirement!


You will finally have your dream schedule. Say goodbye to all those years waking up at the crack of dawn and going home late at night. Retirement is just around the corner!

Funny Retirement Quotes for your Friend

Even though you hate this job, you will miss it, right? Happy retirement! The best is yet to come!


A new life awaits! I know you will have a rocking time with retired life. I have a lot of years left before I retire, but I will gladly take pointers from you.


Now you will find more reasons to smile on Monday mornings. I am green with envy! Congratulations, and enjoy retired life.


You’re probably wondering what to do with your life now that you’re retired. You can finally catch up on the one thing that you never really got to do while working, which is to have a life!


Congratulations on your retirement! You may be feeling ancient right now, but remember that you are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream. Want to get a tattoo?


Just look at it this way. Retirement is the only time when you can live a good life without having a job. Congratulations on this milestone!


When you’re retired, you can do what you want when you want. Yes, you can be in your sweats and not wash your hair for days and no one will send a complaint email to HR! Happy retirement!


Don’t retire from work without something to retire to. You might just go back to work when you get bored. Congratulations on your retirement!


I heard you were retiring! Now you can stay in your bed from sun up to sun down. A shower is completely optional. Congratulations on this milestone.


You have fulfilled all your professional ambitions. Now is the time to focus on your personal life, and all the friends you have neglected while you’re trying to make yourself rich and powerful. Have a happy retirement.


The days of hard work are finally over and now the time for relaxation has come. I hope you get started on it as soon as possible. I see so much potential in you to be a lazy ass! Happy retirement!


You’re finally getting out of this place. I feel a little sad, but I have your number, so I’ll just give you a call whenever I get lonely. Happy retirement!


I am so happy for you because you will finally have a life! You will finally believe me that there’s more to life than working at the office. Enjoy your retirement.

Funny Retirement Quotes for your Colleagues

For all your hard work and dedication, you deserve the best retirement ever. Enjoy this new chapter in your life. Cherish each moment and don’t forget to have fun. Also, can I take your desk as soon as you clear your things? Thanks!


Just remember that retirement is not the end of the road. It’s simply a beginning of a new journey! I hope you have money because it will be expensive.


Just think about it. Retirement also means seven-day weekends! Lucky you!


No more meetings, no more stress. More time to read, sleep, travel, and see friends. You also have the freedom to take up new hobbies and learn new things. That sounds like my dream life! Congratulations on your retirement!


I know you’re probably wondering what you can do to keep yourself busy once you’re retired. I volunteer my apartment that needs plenty of cleaning. Have a happy retired life.


I heard you retired because of health reasons. Your company was sick of you, and you were sick of them. I hope it was a peaceful parting. Happy retirement!


Your life is about to change in a major way. Your life is about to become… less busy. Enjoy retirement!


You’re about to retire. It’s time to look back at all that you have accomplished and look forward to the future with anticipation. It’s time to feel sorry for us who are still slaving away at work.


I wish you success on your new journey as an old bum. Enjoy your retirement!


Retirement gives you a new beginning. I hope you don’t screw it up this time. Have a happy retirement!


Now that you’re retiring, we no longer need to talk behind your back. We can do it freely anywhere in the office now! Congratulations on your retirement.


If you’re feeling sad about leaving your work life behind, I’d gladly switch places with you. Minus the wrinkles and weak bones, of course. Happy retirement!


I know that you’re sad because we are a bunch of people that’s so hard to leave and impossible to forget. Happy retirement!


Congratulations on your retirement. Now your boss will be your wife. Good luck and have fun!

Retirement is not all about doom and gloom. Just imagine all the new hobbies that you can take up, all the physical exercise that you can do whenever you want to, and all the hours of sleep that you can enjoy even on weekdays.

Retirement can be good for your overall health and longevity. A lot of healthy lifestyle changes will take place when one retires, leading to better health and overall well-being.

You deserve to enjoy your retirement after working hard all those years. You will never run out of things to do that will fill up your days once you are free form the responsibilities of work.

Just like the message of these funny retirement quotes, you can be truly in charge of your days at last!

When you look at retirement from a healthy perspective, it opens a new chapter of your life where you can enjoy a lot of personal freedom, time, relaxation, and fulfillment!

Funny and Entertaining Quotes about Retirement

Maybe you’re feeling a little anxiety about what your retirement will look like. That’s only natural especially if you’re someone who led a very hectic work life. It’s only natural to wonder whether you should be happy or scared now that you no longer need to come to work every single day. Don’t let this stop you from enjoying retirement because there are so many things to look forward to!


Now you can finally stop living at work and begin working at living! Congratulations for a stellar career and enjoy your retirement.


You may be retiring from your career, but there’s no such thing as retirement from being cool. Congratulations and I hope you enjoy your retirement even more.


Retirement really just means changing your bosses, from your employer to your wife. Happy retirement!


I hope you saved a lot for your retirement because doing nothing can be pretty expensive! Congratulations and enjoy retirement.


When you say the word retirement, you usually think about having the freedom to be busy on things that you really want to be busy with and on things that you never had the chance to do before. It’s about vacations, trips, and new hobbies. It’s about time with family and friends, and most especially yourself. Doesn’t retirement sound fun?


Now you can officially be one of those people who don’t dread Mondays. Happy retirement!


Just like how you planned your career, the secret to a good retirement is also planning. Hope you were able to do that. Enjoy your days being retired!


Now that you have done all that you need to do in your career, you can now finally enjoy the rewards of your hard work. You’re a lucky old man. Cheers to your retirement!


It’s normal to find it hard to leave a career that you’ve had for many years. But it’s also perfectly normal to be excited about freedom, new experiences, and more time. You will realize that retirement is truly a blessing.


You know what’s bad about retirement? You never get a day off!

These are all funny and good-natured messages that will make any retiree feel special and loved. Remember to be funny without making fun or being mean. These funny and clean messages should do the trick!

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